BIG UPDATE!

Hello everyone, I'm sure you've come here from the places I've announced my leave and as promised, here is my official blog on why I'm leaving my social medias. 

MOVING ON

To begin, there has been so much in my life that has happened that had initially propelled me into art and commission work. I love art, I do! I think it's an important core part of me and I'm not going to deny that in the slightest. However there's something that always rubbed me wrong when my passion became more of a tool to survive. Rent, food, etc. My only escape, essentially just... taken away because "there's bigger things to worry about," which at its core is true. A roof to have over my head IS more important than how I feel about my work and my connection to my passion. Sad to say... sometimes it is what it is and you gotta do what you gotta do. 

For some extra context, I've been doing this since I was 13, probably even earlier. What can I say? I hustled a lot as a kid to either get things I want or basic necessities for both myself and my family (which was more often the case), and while it seems cool- it gets tiring... draining, and miserable. So much so, my perspective on art definitely warped into feelings of frustration, anger, and as shameful as it is to admit: it got in the way of me appreciating others for what they do. Jealous that others can so openly love their craft and themselves, when mine ate me from the inside out. I felt like a product and nothing else. Trying to be positive felt annoyingly performative so I just stopped talking as time went on, keeping my overwhelming bitterness to myself. I... wasn't okay, and I knew it.

This isn't to say I didn't appreciate the commissions or my commissioners at all, there were a lot of other things that contributed to my mental decline on top of what I mentioned above. 

But now- I have a stable job now, one with a promising future at that, and a place I happily call home. Now it has its own struggles for sure, I haven't had much time for art in general. Commissions, and much less my own personal stuff. But I'm happy, and I never felt so at peace before. Having this space away from my art gave me lots of time to think about things: where I want to be, what I wanna do, and how to create a more positive connection with something I grew to hate. 

I just think some things have to change and this is why I'm officially closing my commissions for good and leaving most of my socials to focus on what I owe and myself. I don't think I'm the type of person to care about "keeping my accs relevant" or anything like that anymore either. I've met some great people but you don't have to keep in touch with everyone you meet, I'm fine with silently retreating into my own lil spots to have for myself. 

To sum things up, I want to go back to a time where art was fun for me. I want to draw for myself, whether it's personal work, gift art for friends, or peoples characters I simply like- I just want to enjoy art again. 

All in all, I have much respect for those who do this for a living, and I give my best wishes to those who have the strength to keep it up. It's a lot of work, and I think Its healthy to know when something is not for me anymore. Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you everyone who got me through the rough times. Commissions, shares, etc. You all made this possible, and I'll forever be grateful for the love and support you all gave me.

 

ARE YOU LEAVING FOREVER?

I'm not sure to be honest. I just think social media ain't for me, and I rather focus on more local, personal things that feel more fulfilling. Other than this blog, Im going to be pretty much quiet anywhere else outside of contacting peeps about their commissions. 

I have a lot of plans! Lots of art stuff I want to do for myself, music, and community things I wanna start doing locally. Like stated above, I'll be here so I won't be entirely GONE. Whether people check here or not, I'll update stuff as I go. I still have some website stuff to figure out, I'd do the fancy code things but... I have to learn that first. I'm definitely going to be working on making a mailing list for my blog since I want to do sketchbook updates, big wips (both commission and personal), and character rambles.

But uhhhh... yea! That's pretty much all I have to say, again it wasn't anything super serious about why I'm quitting. Just setting boundaries for myself and all that. 

Thanks for reading!

Ending this entry with some art I haven't posted yet!

Bye-bye for now!